Growing a beard: Pulling it out from stress

Growing a beard has been an experience, to say the least, I have learnt a few things like patience and how to trim and even how to look after the beard. Things I didn’t really think about if I am honest. But, now I have found an annoying habit that I obtained since being, let’s just say quite stressed. I pull at my beard and pull single hairs out when the stress gets too much for me.

What has caused this?

Things in work have gotten a little stressed as I am due to move to a different department, but I am currently being kept in the dark when this will actually happen. To begin with, I didn’t really think anything of it, as it was just one of those internal things and it would eventually get sorted and viola, new job! That was 4 weeks ago and I have been kind of left hanging and it has caused this little stress ball to build over the last two weeks.

After doing some research I found that it is actually called Trichotillomania (TTM) and that it involves the recurrent pulling out of one’s hair, resulting in noticeable hair loss. In general, it is said that the TTM sufferer experiences tension prior to pulling, and tension if he or she tries to resist the act; and then some form of relief or pleasure once the pulling is completed.

I already kind of knew it was a thing as I would see people do it with their hair, but I had never seen it with a beard, so it was a little reassuring to know that it is common.

Accepting anxiety

If you have read the blog before you will know that I suffer/suffered from BDD and this causes quite a bit of anxiety, but this was something on a completely different level. I would usually just criticise myself and beat myself up eternally about it. But now, with my now full healthy beard, I found something to pull and stroke on my face as I was always a stubble guy so I couldn’t really avail of that luxury. Soon I found myself getting distressed at how badly I was getting to my beard and pulling at it. Trying multiple methods to stop it from happening, but nope. I kept going and I couldn’t accept it. Now I wish I had been smarter and just accepted what I was doing and caught it sooner. But alas, I wasn’t that lucky.

How does it look?

A bloody mess honestly, I had been deliberating for a good week with Victoria whether I should just shave it all down to a stubble and start again, but a little bit of worry came to me about how my face looks now without the beard since the weight gain, so it is staying on. Trimmed as far down to make it still beard like and to help the now patchy parts grow back and look less noticeable in the process. Fingers crossed it works and that I haven’t done anything too permanent, as then I would be quite a bit peeved.

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What will I do now?

I have all those close to me ready to tell me off for pulling at my beard as nothing works better than a good bit of shame! I have also decided to put money into my save tin (£1) every time I do it! So far I have been doing it far less and that is a good thing. Money and shame talk it seems.

Hopefully, I can get my beard back and I will bring a little update next month!

Let me know if you enjoyed this post! If you want to chat more about any of my posts, please follow me on TwitterInstagram and also to receive updates, Until next time, thanks for reading and I hope to see you again soon!

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